Burning Love

I’ll come clean right away: I have watched several seasons of both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette (see my fond memories below). This is why Burning Love resonated so much with me.  They did their homework and this parody is hilarious!

Live on the Yahoo! Comedy Channel now, Burning Love follows fireman Mark Orlando as he searches for the perfect woman. The scripted comedy series features an impressive line up of comedic actors from film and television including Ken Marino, Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Michael Ian Black, Adam Scott and more.

Who knew Yahoo! was making original comedy videos? Also, Ben Stiller is a producer. Episode 8 comes out Monday, June 25th!

Common Bachelor/Bachelorette tropes:

Someone cries                        Someone talks abt what they sacrificed to be there

“Here for the right reasons      “See myself falling for you”

Dead relative                           Bikinis

Contestant with kid                 Divorced contestant

Someone leaves the show     Someone who left/was booted returns

Helicopters/ horses/ boats       “The most _____ episode in B/B history”

“Follow my heart”                   Someone walks off set/ rips off mic

“I never expected to feel so strongly”        “I never expected this would be so hard”

“I never saw this coming”       “No regrets”

Two contestants have same name     Someone sings/ writes letter/ recites poem

Awkward close-up camera footage of making out in hot tub

Awkward sexual nature of the “overnight fantasy suite” date

Recollections of Bachelors and Bachelorettes Past:

Matt Grant was the star of “The Bachelor: London Calling,” the 12th season of the show. He was hot, he British, he was a “global financier,” and he was clearly on the show to get some booty. Shayne Lamas, daughter of Lorenzo Lamas and reality-show wannabe, was 22 years old when Matt “proposed” to her.

Jake Pavelka was the prize show horse on “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love,” aka the 14th season. I only watched half of this season, not that this redeems my character in any way, because Jake was a weirdo. Weirdly conservative and serious. I like it better when the contestants recognize that they getting free travel and drinks out of this deal.  After the show ended, Jake and Vienna broke up, and ABC aired a vomit-inducing interview with both of them. Since then, Jake has left his job as a pilot to pursue a career as a reality show contestant.

The incestuous relationship between The B/B: DeAnna Pappas  appeared in season 11 of The Bachelor and was rejected by bachelor Brad Womack (during his first time as Bachelor).  The guy she chose, Jesse Csincsak, was a professional snowboarder and a huge goofball who never took his sunglasses off and needed a haircut.  Since the show, DeAnna married the twin brother of a former Bachelor, Jesse married a female contestant from another season, and the final guy DeAnna rejected went on to be Bachelor in a later season.

Jillian Harris was nice enough; I can only remember the stuff that happened toward the end of the season.  Reality shows love to “surprise” contestants by bringing people back.  Ed Swiderski left on episode 5 BUT then showed up 2 weeks later wanting back on.  Obviously that was cool with Jillian because she picked him. Which was dumb. Reid Rosenthal was really funny and reminded me of Matt Perry and he should have “won.”  Jillian and Ed were together for about 2 years, which is equal to 20 years in B/B time.

Ali Fedowtowsky was a crier.  The best part of this season was krazy Kasey, who got a tatoo and would not stop dropping his motto, “Guard and Protect Your Heart.” Roberto and Ali broke up after a year-long engagement. Chris married a female contestant from another season and has a landscaping show on HGTV. Ali used to work for Facebook and now hosts 1st Look for NBC (which airs really late at night). I do not think this is a step up.

Ashley Hebert was boring. She and her intended, JP, are still together after a year, and planning a fall wedding (we’ll see about that). The best part was runner-up (aka the loser) Ben Flajnik’s meltdown.  His best quote: “Good things don’t end unless they end badly.”  Huh? What about cake?  Your slice starts out yummy, but when you get to the last bite – BAM! – it turns into poop. Ben is an idiot.

And so, in the immortal words of Chris Harrison, it is now time for:

The Final Rose

Please do not let me dissuade you from watching these time-honored shows, Emily still has six guys to choose from and Ali’s scorned fiancé, Roberto, is rumored to be the next Bachelor.

I’m sure we will be hearing from both of them about:

Putting their-self out there

How their dates on a tropical island are “magical/ a fantasy/ a fairytale/ paradise”

Truly believing that their husband/ wife is in the pool of contestants

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