When you’re done trying on clothes in the dressing room…

Don’t put it back yourself. Not that halter dress. Not that skirt. No, not even that t-shirt. I guarantee that you will somehow do it wrong and I will have to fix it. We hang things in a certain way and, since I’m getting paid to put the clothing back and you aren’t, I think I have a little more invested in it being done correctly. Also, after you leave, the mean manager will find that size 2 pair of boot-leg jeans that you stuffed behind the size 6 slim ankle pants and lecture me about being conscientious. Let me do my job. Hand me the clothes, hang them on the “go-back” rack, or leave them in the dressing room. Don’t even bother refolding shit. You’re doing it wrong.

Dirty Dishes

When I ask you to do the dishes, when do you think I want them done?

Wrong Answer:

While I am in the middle of cooking dinner?

When that video of a corgi getting stuck in a tent is over?

Right after you show me something first?

After I remind you to do them later?

After I ask you to do them for THE THIRD FREAKING TIME?

When there are dishes everywhere and a second load will now have to wait?

Right Answer:

As soon as possible. Like, right now, or in like fifteen minutes. But pretty soon, okay? Thanks!!! You’re the best!!!